"Teeth" on DVD now!

Dawn is an angel. She's so sweet, so cute, so unassuming, and so innocent. She's a member of her high school's abstinence club, "The Promise," and she has the ring to prove that she's saving it for marriage. She's popular, she's a leader, and she's inspiring. Girls look up to her, and boys want to be with her. She's untouchable…and to the guys in her school, there is something irresistible about that.

Things at home however, are not so great. Dawn's mother is terminally ill, her father is all but a shell, and her scum bag half brother is a violent, womanizing dope-head who not-so-secretly harbors a twisted sexual desire for Dawn.

Dawn also has a not-so-secret crush on one of her fellow Promise-members. They look at each other longingly; they smile and brush against each other, but Dawn always keeps it pure. The boy however, cannot help himself. He likes Dawn. A lot.
So one day, they go swimming in a lake, and end up on the rocks in a dark and romantic cave where all the high schoolers come to lose their virginity.
The making out gets pretty heavy, and the boy can't stop himself from pushing it. After all, he is a teenage boy. Eventually, and predictably, the boy takes it too far, and when Dawn says no, he slams her head against a rock. In a moment of unconsciousness, the boy decides to rape Dawn. It's heart breaking because Dawn is so sweet, so cute, so unassuming, and so innocent.

But then, Dawn wakes up and her vagina bites off his penis.

Yeah.
You heard me. Dawn has teeth in her vagina.

The trauma of that moment changes her forever, and with a bit of guilt, shame, and self-convinced evil, Dawn throws away her promise ring and gets hell-bent on punishing all those wicked horny boys.

And she does.
And they so deserve it.

See the funny part is this: Dawn didn't know she was "different." She wasn't aware of her anatomical anomaly because her sex-ed class has censored the diagram of the vagina in her book. So she thought she was normal until she does her research. I mean, how else can a teen girl find out why her special business is biting off weiners? Google that shit, Dawn.

And she does.

She discovers that her problem has roots in the mythology of several cultures, and symbolizes the male fear of the mysteries of women. What a bloody understatement.

"Teeth," is ridiculous. It's outrageous, touching, sweet, engaging, disgusting, over the top, and truly unsettling. And all the while, it's fucking hilarious. "Teeth," is as good as "Evil Dead 2," "Dead Alive," and Lucky McKee's "Sick Girl." It's just as funny, and just a gore-soaked.
Jess Wiexler gives the most subtly beautiful and artfully restrained performance I've seen in years. She's as good as Ellen Page in "Hard Candy."

"Teeth" is a great addition to the genre. It's smart, violent, and entertaining. And it is guaranteed (please believe me) to make you squirm. You haven't lived until you've seen a crab picking at a severed penis, and a fingerless gynecologist pointing and screaming "Vagina Dentata!! Vagina Dentata!!"

"Teeth," is out on DVD right now, and is widely available. Trust me when I say it will become a cult classic, with great replay value.

So give Dawn a home on your shelf. Just stay away from her girl parts.